Well, Hello.
It have been a year since I last blogged. #sorrynotreallysorry
Things have been changing
Funny thing it’s back to exam time again. Hey books, you are necessary evil and I’ll try to love you, for another one or two more semester maybe.
Quick summary: A year have passed, no shit bro. 22 gone 23, i’m getting old. I’ve been drinking a lot for the past one year, gain new friends, lost a couple, might find a few back in a few days time and lost a few for good maybe. COMPLEXITY but living with it. Flopped majorly last semester so i’m redoing a whole load of modules this semester so, no graduation till i get my shit together and pass stuff. Many major life
In-depth story?
This happened.
Photo to the left happened about two weeks ago but whatever happened to my hand was a week earlier before this photo happened.
Story was: I’ve majorly screwed up.
Things started changing in school, with the friends that I’ve been close with. Splitting up eventually was inevitable but I was hoping we didn’t have to go that way but alas, life doesn’t give you want you want all the time.
I was to make a choice to who I would like to hang out more, but maybe I just wanted the best of both world? Or i do not see the impending problem that they did.
I carried on living life on the high line. I was blinded I guess. Stupid feelings getting in the way, and I don’t – simply don’t – see what things are anymore.
So shit went on for the next couple of months till the staycation where I majorly screw up my hand. A bone broke, the A&E doctor cast my hand up. Yay, screwed up.
Mum was upset, obviously, aunt was really outraged. But the underlying question here was: They didn’t send me to the hospital the moment I fell and told them I broke something. Why?
The rest of the time when I tried to explain myself, its a question everyone asked: “Did you go to the hospital right away after you fell?” Cool question, same wonder.
Mum was saying that they are horrible people who only wanted the enjoyment. Who on earth keep your friend with a broken arm in the hotel, but well, they did. I wanted to defend but it did make sense though. I can’t argue with it.
Two weeks, I slowly see through what my mum and BFFs were saying. Two weeks, I have not receive a single concern about my wellbeing. I am not being conceit but if it’s me and I broke someone’s arm, I’m going to be concern as fuck. But they didn’t.
Instead, I came to realise that the one who I piggy backed apparently fractured her leg too. Hairline fractured. The amount of concern they place over for her are ultimate different. It really make a difference now. Like, in my face.
13.04.15: went to the doctor for my appointment – finally – and get the shock of my life. Both bone in my hand shifted. It wasn’t only one bone that gave way, but it was apparently two. A&E doctor can join me in the screwed up department. Mum was speechless, so was I. Many wooha-s and I go home with an admission appointment for the following day to get me admitted into the hospital. So freaking surreal and I don’t even know what am I suppose to feel.
Reached home, fell asleep on the sofa and woke up panicking. My BFFs panicked together with me on KKT. My CG mates were shocked to the sudden change. I don’t think I receive a single note from them till I texted again. It catches me then, i guess, that they probably don’t care or care just as much as they do with normal friends do. This is screwed up, I’m screwed too. My friends remembered my appointment, they didn’t.
When I broke the news out to them that I need to do surgery, all they did say was just asking where I’m ward in, what time my surgery would be and they will just.. visit. I don’t know if I was anticipating for something but the whole concept is just.. wrong.
They came down the day of my surgery, like they were going on a trip out together for fun. The concern gave was just.. “how is it going man” and I’m like this is going on?
Thats. it.
The following day I was roaming facebook because I’m just bored and in pain then did i see a collage video of them drinking. Like guys, really. One of them are in a cast too and I don’t know but this isn’t funny.
So I pretty much gave up on them. What disgust me most was them texting me asking me if I want to go drink with them this saturday. The last time we talked or they even check up on me, was the day after my surgery. Breaking my arm is not what i want, and I don’t think I can blame them because its my consequences for making bad life decisions but the less I need was you calling me to make the same damn mistake ever.
Irony is you telling me that the other handicap person is going. I’m not her. I’m not stupid anymore. “You both can be handicap sisters. The bartender sure blur.” Well, I’m sure I don’t think I want to go drink when I’m like this now.
This pretty much tell me something: You don’t care.
Everything is a joke to you maybe? I went through a surgery for my hand. The last thing I ever want to do when I am not even more than a week into recovering, is to go with you to drink. I am not there to entertain the bartender and amuse him that hey i broke my arm, she broke her leg, and we are here patronising.
What a fucked up shit thing to do I don’t even understand.
And i woke up. You people don’t deserve me, and I have wasted enough time with you all.
I guess they are going to find out soon that I don’t want to deal with them anymore, but at the time being. I need to get my life in place again.
90% recovery of what I use to have for a good right forearm. I can’t bend my thumb yet but praying really hard that with the physiology exercises that I am about to go through, it will get better.
Things will get better from now on. I can feel it.
Sidenote: I feel like a fucking whale when i’m on period. Someone give me a pamper please.
samsaysloud 